Myriads of feelings are beginning to intermingle as the day I leave for Las Vegas encroaches closer. I am excited, anxious, nervous, reminiscent, and sad all at the same time. The new life awaiting me in Las Vegas excites me; my new job at a new place makes me anxious and nervous; the thought of leaving Reno, the place where I had cultivated 16 years of memory, puts me in a reminiscing trance; and I am overcome by short bursts of sadness at the thought of leaving behind the old and new bonds I built.
I won’t deny it–there have been moments when the cherished memories and valuable family and friends pulled me away from proactively preparing for my adventure in two weeks. Sometimes I wondered what would’ve happened if I didn’t take the job in Las Vegas and instead decided to stay here in Reno. The ultimate question I’ve been asking myself is, of course, would I’ve been happier in Reno?
It’s almost hopeless to be inquisitive about the consequences of life-changing decision such as this as I will never know what the alternative decision would’ve resulted. Not only that, I won’t fully realize the effects of my decision until years and years down the road, at which point I will be too busy living my life in Las Vegas to look back on this post. But I question nonetheless as it’s my inherent nature to do so as a human being.
Unwritten and uncharted, the road ahead scares the shit out of me. Yet there is a bearing to which I can guide myself, one that unceasingly reminds me that this journey isn’t beyond me. I am also reminded that I’ve never been alone in my past endeavors. Though it may be the most overused cliche ever, it seems very fitting to this moment–I am not who I am by my own doing.
To those whom I may not get to see before I leave to personally say this–thank you for being there for me and keep in touch.
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